Amusing review in the Times
Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:35 pm
Remember the bathtub scene in Fatal Attraction where you think Glenn Close is dead but then she pops up again even more crazed than before? Well, if you’re no fan of Celebrity Big Brother and accidentally flicked on to Channel 5 last night, you possibly felt like Michael Douglas trapped in that bathroom. We had been told the beast was dead and yet, lo, here it was risen again, large as life but with even more stupid hair.
Yes, Celebrity Big Brother was back, revived by Richard Desmond and carried on a stretcher to Channel 5 where he hopes he will pump life back into its flagging ratings. The old theme tune and Geordie narrator were intact but there was no Davina McCall.
Davina has gone to shout elsewhere. Instead we had Brian Dowling, a former Big Brother contestant, dressed in a headmaster’s suit and in fact doing a very good, occasionally witty, job as he introduced the roll call of “celebrities”. Now, contain your excitement because on last night’s evidence, I doubt this will be a “George Galloway” year. There had been rumours of Pamela Anderson but instead we got another former Baywatch babe, Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff, which was a bit like expecting Elvis but getting Shakin’ Stevens. You may not actually recognise a goodly proportion of the housemates (Bobby Sabel and Lucien Laviscount anyone?) Indeed it is a sobering moment when the top billing in any TV show goes to Jedward.
But, you know what, there might just be enough for this to work. Sally Bercow, the wife of the Commons’ Speaker, flounced in sharp as a tack, and like a woman on a mission to stir. She revealed that her husband was “not exactly chuffed” that she was taking part. Amy Childs, a star of The Only Way is Essex, hinted that she may have brought her vajazzle kit along. My money’s on Bercow’s down-belows getting a makeover before you can say “order” and Sabel, a ridiculously handsome model, being offered a penazzle (you’ll have to Google it). The producers are clearly hoping for a hair-off between Jedward, who revealed that they use a can of hairspray a day on their quiffs, and Darryn Lyons who entered the house with a red mohican and a hair extension fashioned from his parrot’s feathers. They should know now: this will be very boring.
Kerry Katona was first in the house. She proceeded to heavy-breathe like someone on a phone-sex line before hitting the champagne to calm her nerves. Meanwhile the actress Tara Reid endlessly repeated one of the dullest anecdotes I’ve ever heard about her having difficulty opening the house door. Let it go, love, eh?
With Mr Desmond’s fearsome reputation for cost-cutting, some of us feared that this might be the Netto version of Big Brother, presented from a disused TJ Hughes warehouse and furnished from a skip. But money has clearly been spent and there is potential for comedy. Dowling has less of McCall’s gush and more bitchiness which is welcome. The big question is — can anybody be bothered watching? Possibly not. But with the world news so grim, Mr Desmond’s best hope is that we’ll want something shallow to give us blessed light relief.
Yes, Celebrity Big Brother was back, revived by Richard Desmond and carried on a stretcher to Channel 5 where he hopes he will pump life back into its flagging ratings. The old theme tune and Geordie narrator were intact but there was no Davina McCall.
Davina has gone to shout elsewhere. Instead we had Brian Dowling, a former Big Brother contestant, dressed in a headmaster’s suit and in fact doing a very good, occasionally witty, job as he introduced the roll call of “celebrities”. Now, contain your excitement because on last night’s evidence, I doubt this will be a “George Galloway” year. There had been rumours of Pamela Anderson but instead we got another former Baywatch babe, Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff, which was a bit like expecting Elvis but getting Shakin’ Stevens. You may not actually recognise a goodly proportion of the housemates (Bobby Sabel and Lucien Laviscount anyone?) Indeed it is a sobering moment when the top billing in any TV show goes to Jedward.
But, you know what, there might just be enough for this to work. Sally Bercow, the wife of the Commons’ Speaker, flounced in sharp as a tack, and like a woman on a mission to stir. She revealed that her husband was “not exactly chuffed” that she was taking part. Amy Childs, a star of The Only Way is Essex, hinted that she may have brought her vajazzle kit along. My money’s on Bercow’s down-belows getting a makeover before you can say “order” and Sabel, a ridiculously handsome model, being offered a penazzle (you’ll have to Google it). The producers are clearly hoping for a hair-off between Jedward, who revealed that they use a can of hairspray a day on their quiffs, and Darryn Lyons who entered the house with a red mohican and a hair extension fashioned from his parrot’s feathers. They should know now: this will be very boring.
Kerry Katona was first in the house. She proceeded to heavy-breathe like someone on a phone-sex line before hitting the champagne to calm her nerves. Meanwhile the actress Tara Reid endlessly repeated one of the dullest anecdotes I’ve ever heard about her having difficulty opening the house door. Let it go, love, eh?
With Mr Desmond’s fearsome reputation for cost-cutting, some of us feared that this might be the Netto version of Big Brother, presented from a disused TJ Hughes warehouse and furnished from a skip. But money has clearly been spent and there is potential for comedy. Dowling has less of McCall’s gush and more bitchiness which is welcome. The big question is — can anybody be bothered watching? Possibly not. But with the world news so grim, Mr Desmond’s best hope is that we’ll want something shallow to give us blessed light relief.